Alex’s Pop Music Vault: Every Britney Spears Song, Ranked

In celebration of my 30th birthday, and the 20th anniversary of ‘Oops!…I Did It Again’, the song that made me and so many other young gay guys fall in love with pop music, here is my personal ranking of every Britney Spears song, including B-Sides and features, ranked according to my taste aka correctly. I have dedicated an obscene amount of my life on Earth listening to Britney Spears songs and knowing her life and career inside out. (Pun alert!) I would go as far as to say that I would not have become very interested in pop music if it were not for Britney Spears, one of the only worthwhile celebrities, and someone who has managed to remain a real human being despite the insanities of the pop music machine.

Here and there on the list I will make comments and link to videos.

It’s kind of unfair to the other pop divas of Britney Spears’s generation how much catchier her songs are than everyone else’s. She’s got dozens of songs with fantastic hooks, and after her first four albums redefined teen pop for a generation, her career had a second phase in which she embraced dance-pop and electro-pop, during which her music actually got even better. Nine albums in, song for song, her hit-to-miss ratio remains very strong. The rollercoaster ride of being a fan seems to be all but over, but it’s been quite a ride.

Her albums, ranked: Blackout (A), Femme Fatale (A-), In the Zone (A-), Britney (B+), Circus (B+), Glory (B+), Oops!…I Did It Again (B+), Britney Jean (B-), and …Baby One More Time (C+).

Her songs, ranked:

  1. Gimme More
    It’s Britney, bitch! This song’s dark, slightly sinister atmosphere, anxious synths and chants, and relatively untreated vocals create a sense of claustrophobia and urgency. It’s so catchy.
  2. Get Naked (I Got a Plan)
    This song is manic. The production on this track is dizzying and intoxicating, and Britney has never sounded so desperately erotic. This song makes me laugh when I listen to it from the sheer gonzo zaniness of it, even as it makes me want to dance.
  3. I Wanna Go
    Probably her single catchiest song. Instantly addictive.
  4. Toxic
    It’s emerging as a modern pop classic for a reason.
  5. Hold It Against Me
    Criminally underrated among her lead singles.
  6. Til It’s Gone
    ‘I Wanna Go’ re-imagined as a heartbreak song.
  7. Bombastic Love
    Her best song with Max Martin. Jive Records wanted this as the third single, but Britney balked, since it was such a typical Max Martin bubblegum song. Yeah, but it was really good; much better than ‘Overprotected.’ The pseudo-operatic bridge is amazing camp, and the little flourishes of counterpoint in the final chorus are vintage Britney and Max.
  8. Love Me Down
    Easily the catchiest song on 2016’s Glory.
  9. Trouble for Me
    A late-album stunner from an album that otherwise starts to drag in its second half.
  10. Shattered Glass
    It feels incomplete, but what’s there is a shimmering, crystalline sadness pervasive in Britney’s discography
  11. Hold On Tight
    This song is actually Britney’s best ballad; how this got resigned to a B-Side on her worst later-career record is beyond me.
  12. Breathe On Me
    One of the sexiest songs Britney ever recorded is an ode to monogamous sensuality — surprise!
  13. Till the World Ends
    Her biggest hit of the 2010s and a sort of time capsule of 2011 in pop music, especially the remix with Nicki Minaj and Kesha
  14. Everytime
    Who could have pulled off this song like Britney, with her fragile, vulnerable tone?
  15. Circus
    The second of a one-two knockout punch of comeback singles
  16. Man On the Moon
    The epitome of bittersweetness
  17. The Hook-Up
    This should have been the fifth single on In the Zone, following ‘Breathe On Me’
  18. Womanizer
    A damn good comeback single
  19. Can’t Make You Love Me
    The best song on Oops!…I Did It Again is buried near the end
  20. Cinderella
    Like ‘Bombastic Love’, I’m-not-a-little-girl-anymore Britney was embarrassed by this song, but two decades later it’s obviously a bubblegum highlight.
  21. Amnesia
    How the hell did this song get relegated to foreign-bonus-track status?
  22. Oops!…I Did It Again
  23. Lonely
  24. Stronger
  25. …Baby One More Time
    You know a pop singer’s discography is incredible when her singnature song isn’t even among her twenty best!
  26. Lucky
  27. Clumsy
  28. Phonography
    Another killer b-side; Circus had a very confused track list
  29. Freakshow
  30. Inside Out
  31. Let Me Be
  32. Piece of Me
  33. Alien
    A bittersweet little piece produced by William Orbit, the mind behind much of Madonna’s Ray of Light
  34. 3
    The lyrics to this song are hilarious, and the video is very underrated
  35. Heaven On Earth
  36. I’m a Slave 4 U
  37. What U See (Is What U Get)
  38. Born to Make You Happy
  39. How I Roll
    This song grew on me so much! The production on this is one-of-a-kind.
  40. Quicksand
    You can hear Lady Gaga’s vocals in the background.
  41. If U Seek Amy
  42. Toy Soldier
  43. Showdown
  44. Scream and Shout (with will.i.am)
  45. Me Against the Music (feat. Madonna)
  46. Overprotected
  47. Work Bitch
  48. (You Drive Me) Crazy
  49. What It’s Like to Be Me
    You can hear Justin Timberlake all over this track.
  50. If I’m Dancing
    A truly strange song
  51. I Run Away
  52. Trip to Your Heart
  53. Someday (I Will Understand) (Hi-Bias Radio Mix)
  54. Slumber Party
  55. Just Luv Me
  56. Perfect Lover
  57. Change Your Mind (No Seas Cortes)
  58. Mmm Papi
    Underrated, zany fun
  59. Seal It With a Kiss
  60. That’s Where You Take Me
    Wistful.
  61. Radar
  62. He About to Lose Me
    One of Kylie Minogue’s favorites.
  63. Break the Ice
  64. Touch of My Hand
  65. Hard to Forget Ya
    A 90s throwback that works!
  66. Make Me… (feat. G-Eazy)
  67. Kill the Lights
  68. Up N Down
  69. Shadow
  70. Where Are You Now
  71. What You Need
  72. Don’t Cry
  73. Do You Wanna Come Over?
  74. Selfish
  75. Walk On By
    This B-Side is stronger than most of the material on the Oops album
  76. Passenger
  77. Hot as Ice
  78. Anticipating
  79. Liar
  80. Tom’s Diner (with Giorgio Moroder)
  81. Just Like Me
  82. Brave New Girl
    As close as she ever got to sounding like early-80s Madonna
  83. Brightest Morning Star
  84. Trouble
  85. (Drop Dead) Beautiful (feat. Sabi)
  86. Mona Lisa
    “They want her to break down, and be the legend of a fall…” – 2005
  87. My Prerogative
  88. Criminal
  89. Unusual You
    A lot of fans would kill me for ranking this song at #89.
  90. Gasoline
  91. Mood Ring
  92. Body Ache
  93. Ooh Ooh Baby
  94. Perfume
  95. (I Got That) Boom Boom (feat. Ying Yang Twins)
  96. Before the Goodbye
    Surprise! Teen-pop Britney collaborated with BT.
  97. Pretty Girls
  98. Invitation
  99. Tik Tik Boom (feat. T.I.)
  100. Why Should I Be Sad?
    As personal as Brit’s ever gotten on-record.
  101. Don’t Hang Up
  102. It Should Be Easy (feat. will.i.am)
  103. Don’t Go Knockin’ On My Door
  104. Better
  105. I Will Be There
  106. Now That I Found You
    A total Avicii ‘Wake Me Up’ rip-off.
  107. When I Found You
  108. The Answer
  109. Don’t Let Me Be the Last to Know
  110. Do Somethin’
  111. Boys
  112. Mannequin
  113. Lace and Leather
  114. Get Back
    How did this almost become the first single from Blackout?
  115. Scary
  116. Big Fat Bass (feat. will.i.am)
  117. I’ve Just Begun (Having My Fun)
  118. I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman
  119. Sometimes
  120. Don’t Keep Me Waiting
  121. Rock Me In
  122. Out From Under
  123. SMS (Bangerz) (with Miley Cyrus)
  124. (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction
  125. I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll
  126. Deep In My Heart
  127. Intimidated
  128. Outrageous
    Extremely annoying chorus, beautiful MJ-style bridge.
  129. Blur
  130. Early Mornin’
  131. Everybody
  132. Outta This World
  133. One Kiss From You
  134. I Will Still Love You (with Don Philip)
  135. When Your Eyes Say It
  136. Chillin’ With You (feat. Jamie-Lynn Spears)
    Why? Oh, it’s sentimental…
  137. My Baby
    Why? Oh, it’s sentimental…
  138. Rock Boy
    Why? Oh, it’s — wait, why?
  139. Chaotic
  140. From the Bottom of My Broken Heart
  141. Soda Pop
  142. You Got It All
  143. Dear Diary
  144. Private Show
    A true, bona fide misfire
  145. Autumn Goodbye
  146. Girl In the Mirror
  147. E-Mail My Heart
  148. Thinkin’ About You
  149. The Beat Goes On
  150. I’m So Curious
  151. I’ll Never Stop Loving You
  152. Heart
    Just embarrassing! The end!

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